Bunny Catches
by NightingaleLost
Summary: Halloween was always one of the greatest holidays of any kid's history. The candy, nighttime freedom...and the costumes.


Oh Em Gee, i saw this pic and had to write something about t. Like, seriously, I laughed and was stuck in the face with inspiration. God's personal pimpslap of awesomeness. Yeah.

http:/pinkangelchao (dot) deviantart (dot) com/art / catch-the-bunny-183708890?q=favby%3ANightingaleLost%2F9241163&qo=55

**Disclaimer: I hate these. I so do.**

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If there's one thing a kid knows, it's the deliciousness of candy. Sweet candy, bitter candy, candy enough to feed the starving nations of the world! And what was better than candy? _Free_ candy.

So it only made the clearest of sense that Halloween was the best holiday a kid could know. Well, at least until Christmas came along.

But it was October 31st now, and all of the children of South Park were working themselves up into a kind of feeding frenzy, of the candy-loving kind, of course. And now, at night, they were all dressed to impress (mostly), hungry and eager to hunt for the most _delicious_ game of all...

"Dammit, where is that faggot? He's making' us late!" Cartman growled, checking his watch angrily.

"Let's just leave him already." Stan said, making sure his plastic fangs were attached right. "He can come next year, right?"

"_Agh,_ y-yeah! Leave 'im! The longer we stay here -_gah!_ Th-the more chance the gnomes'll attack! Oh God!" The fuzzy yellow lion reached up to tug at messy, spike-like hair, and accidentally making one fake ear come off. "_Aughhh!_ Sweet Jesus, I broke it! I'm gonna have to tell my -_ngh-_ p-parents and they'll hate me and throw me out and _augh_! Frickin' _Christ_ I don't wanna be a hobo! I'll die! Arghh!"

A ninja sighed and shoved a plastic sword bck into its sheath, going over to help Tweek put the ear back on. "It's not broken, man, calm down...sheesh..." Craig looked over at Cartman. "Stan's right, leave him. I want candy."

"No, man, we can't leave him, it's just too mean! Imagine being the only kid left behind on Halloween? It's sacrilege!" Kyle exclaimed, his white wig and suit quivering in a passionate display of debate.

"_Nhmmmmn..._" A low moan came from Kenny, whose arm fell off.

"Aw, man, who turned Kenny into a zombie again?" Stan sighed in exasperation. "It's the same every year..." he muttered.

Darth Vader decided to throw in his two cents. "Yeah, we can't leave him, it's too pathetic."

"Ay! Shut it, Token! No one asked the black man's opinion!" Cartman bit out. "I wanna go trick-or-treating! Now!"

"You can't go trick-or-treating, fatass, you don't even have a costume!" Kyle exclaimed scornfully, looking at Cartman's usual red jacket and blue hat.

"Ay! I do too have a costume! I'm wearing it!" The fat boy yelled.

"Yeah? What is it? A Nazi tub of lard?"

"_No_, I'm dressed up as the most awesome person on earth." Cartman replied smugly, a triumphant smle on his face. There was a pause, then Craig spoke up.

"Probably just ripped his costume in half when he tried it on..."

Cartman's protests were drowned in the subsequent laughter.

A blue hedgehog-Clyde-suddenly pointed off in one direction. "Hey, there he i-what the hell?"

Butters came skidding up, panting hard and red-faced, clutching a big, purple plastic pumpkin bucket. "Oh! Fellas! Thank God, I'ah thought you guys left me for sure!"

Everyone stared. It was finally Cartman who asked what they were all thinking. "Butters, what the fuck is that?"

"What?" He asked innocently.

"What the fuck are you doing dressed up as a goddamn _Playboy_ bunny?" Cartman yelled angrily.

Butters flushed, holding his bucket in front of his chest. "It's not! They just ran outta boy bunny ones so my mom got me a girlie one! So there!"

It was nothing but pure hilarity that Butters was quivering in indignant emotion as he said this, which made his big, floppy white ears bounce. In black tights, shiny leotard and bowtie, red platforms and matching white cufflinks, he looked both cute and ridiculous.

Everyone was silent again, then Kyle spoke up. "Dude, that's kinda gay." The rest agreed.

"No it's not, and you fellas are jus' bein' a bunch of meanies. Now, let's go get some candy." Butters stalked off, face flushed and bunny tail jiggling.

The guys looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Three hours, 49 houses later, they were still at their mission of candy, having been joined by Clone Trooper Kevin, angel Pip, infantry man Jimmy, gladiator Damien and a horde of his monster demons who'd only come to chew on people and egg some houses, and then later lost Kenny, when he got eaten by one of Damien's demons.

"Oh my God, it killed-oh, wait he was already dead." Stan shrugged, quickly losing interest.

"Undead." Kyle corrected.

"Eh."

"Whatever, you guys. I'm takin' his candy." Cartman announced.

Butters' costume had been surprisingly popular with the adults of South Park and he'd gotten more candy than the rest of them, so the others kept on reaching over periodically to snag some of his load. Butters whined and tried to protect his precious cargo, but a couple smacks from Cartman had him reluctantly letting them take some when they wanted.

Now they had reached a crossroads, and the group all headed off toward the right fork of the road. Cartman hung back a bit, then grabbed Butters' arm. The blond turned to look at him pleadingly.

"Aw, come on, Eric, y'already got a whole bunch of my candy, leave it alone f'r a while…"

"Shut up, you wuss." Cartman hissed. "That costume of yours is candy gold, so let's go left and get a whole bunch of candy for ourselves! They'll give us more if it's two instead of thirteen!"

"B-but the group—"

"Butters!"

"Oh, o-okay…"

They sneaked off toward the left and resumed their trick-or-treating. It started to snow after a couple of minutes, but as Cartman had predicted, Butters' costume was a candy magnet, and both their piles grew generously.

After forty minutes, they were both grinning like punch-drunk idiots, and Butters had started the celebration by popping out the Pixie Stix, courtesy of his bucket. He beamed, already half on a sugar high. "I'ah _love_ this costume! I'ah'ma wear it next year, too! Hey Eric, maybe you should wear one too, so we can match!"

For some reason Cartman found this hilariously funny—it could have just been all the candy he ate—and he laughed madly. Butters was glad he was in a good mood and proceeded to dig into his bucket for the M&M's, his movements making his tail quiver and shake.

Cartman had to take the opportunity, there was no way he, in his nature, could pass it up. Bending down, he scooped up a ball of snow from the white blanket underneath and flung it at the blond, yelling like crazy, "Hit the faggot bunny! Hit the faggot bunny!"

Butters looked up, M&M's in hand, just in time to dodge, squealing in shock."No, wait, that's cold, Eric!"

"Shut the fuck up and run!"

Butters didn't hesitate, darting away and Cartman chased after him, lobbying snowballs as he laughed. Both of them were impeded by their huge amounts of candy, but Cartman's aim was good and he eventually nailed Butters in the back of the head, sending him sprawling.

Cartman crowed his victory. "Yes! I have brought down the bunn-ah monster! Respect mah authoritah, bitches!"

Butters didn't move.

The fat boy paused. "Butters? Stop dicking around, dammit." Nothing. "Oh fuck, I killed him!" He waddled toward the motionless boy, looking around wildly. "Okay, no witnesses—"

He was a foot from the other when Butters lunged up and nailed him square in the face, peeping, "I'ah win, I'ah win!"

The brunet sputtered. "Ay! I'll get you back for that!"

Butters yelped and turned to run but was too slow; Cartman's thick, beefy arms wrapped around his chest. He squealed again, trying to escape, wriggling like mad. The fat boy was too hard pressed to restrain him completely, so he just heaved a grunt of exertion and tossed him into the air.

It wasn't _that_ much of a toss, but it was a toss all the same and Butters shrieked. "_OhmyGodohmyGod!_"

Cartman burst out laughing, barely catching him. "Plead for mercy from the Dawg!" Then he tossed him again.

This time Butters was enjoying himself too much to plead for mercy, and they both roared with laughter as Cartman caught him once more and threw him up again. On the fourth time Cartman didn't catch him right and Butters crashed right into him, sending them both into the ground in a puffy flurry of snow. Butters lay back on the other's big belly for a second, and then rolled off to the side where they exhausted the rest of their mirth.

Butters turned to look at Cartman. "Happy Halloween, Eric."

"Yeah…"

"…it's chilly out here, ain't it?"

"Butters, you're in a leotard an' tights."

"Oh…"

Cartman stood up, extending a hand down to help Butters up; he shrugged off his big jacket and held it out to him. "Here."

"R-really?"

"Yeah." Cartman flexed his arms proudly, chuckling almost vindictively. "I got mad polar bear skillz to keep me warm. Just don't any faggot germs on it. Those are contagious, y'know."

"Okay! Thanks, Eric! I'ah promise I'ah won't get anythin' on it!" Butters beamed, putting it on gratefully just as the rest of the group walked up.

"It was a dead end back there!" Stan called out, black cape fluttering behind him.

"Hey, Cartman, you totally missed it!" Clyde exclaimed. "Damien blew up Pip again!"

"He most certainly did!" A still-smoking Pip chirped.

Stan paused and looked at them, frowning. "Isn't that your jacket, Cartman?"

"Yeah."

"Why is Butters wearing it?" The raven asked in confusion.

"I let him borrow it, duh. You stupid?"

Everyone stared at him in horror, as if he had suddenly sprouted a third eye and somehow turned skinny (which would never happen). Finally Kyle spoke in almost terrified alarm. "Holy crap, dude, did aliens replace you? Did Butters _brainwash_ you?"

"_Aliens!_" Tweek shrieked in panic.

"No, you dumbass Jew." Cartman grinned in suddenly slyness, glancing over. "Butters is gonna let me have half his candy. Isn't that right, buddy?"

The blond bunny rolled his eyes, but handed the bucket over anyway for Cartman to take his pick. It was in the spirit of candy and Halloween, anyway. And bunny-catches too.

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**A/N:** Who dressed up as who...

Kyle: Albert Einstien

Stan: Vampire

Clyde: Sonic the Hedgehog

Token: Darth Vader

Kenny: A real zombie

Craig: Ninja

Tweek: Lion

Cartman: Himself

Butters: uh...a bunny.


End file.
